Welcome to our Peace Concept for today, where we explore practical strategies for cultivating understanding, Resolving conflicts, and nurturing meaningful connections. In this post, we’ll talk about “How to Handle a Moralizer.”
Scenario: Sarah and Jane
To get started, let’s look at Sarah and her mother-in-law, Jane.
Sarah sighed as she hung up the phone with her mother-in-law. Once again, Jane had berated her for her choices. This time, she criticized Sarah for the way she was raising her children.
You really should be stricter with them; Jane lectured in a condescending tone. Children need discipline and structure, and the way you coddle them is going to turn them into spoiled brats.
Sarah could feel her frustration rising. Every conversation with Jane seemed like an unsolicited lecture about how Sarah was doing everything wrong. From her career decisions to her parenting style, Jane always had something to criticize, acting as if her way was the only right way.
As Sarah poured herself a glass of wine, trying to unwind from the stressful call, she wished she knew how to handle Jane’s consistent and constant moralizing without causing a rift in the family.
Understanding Moralizing
Moralizing is the act of giving unsolicited advice or expressing strong opinions about what is right and wrong, often done in a self-righteous, condescending manner. It involves imposing one’s own moral standards onto others and implying that those who do not conform are somehow less moral. Moralizers feel entitled to make their judgments with little or no consideration for the feelings of others, and they state their ideas and opinions in such a way that others feel judged and disregarded.
Differences Between Sharing Opinions and Moralizing
There’s a difference between sharing an opinion and moralizing. We all have a right to our beliefs, opinions, values, and preferences, and we have a right to express them to others. However, moralizing and sharing an opinion differ in several key ways, primarily related to one’s tone, intent, and how you say it. Moralizers come across as disrespectful. It’s not only what you say but how you say it.
Tone
When one shares an opinion, they use a neutral or respectful tone that doesn’t assume superiority but contributes to the conversation. Moralizers come across with a condescending tone, as though they’re morally superior, and leave others feeling as though they’ve been implicitly or explicitly criticized.
Intention
Then there’s the intention behind what is said. When you’re sharing an opinion, you’re just expressing a viewpoint or an experience without necessarily expecting others to agree or change their behaviors. It’s more about contributing to a conversation than dictating what you think others should think or do. A moralizing person is always correcting, judging, or imposing their values. There’s an underlying belief that the moralizer’s perspective is the right one and that you should adopt it.
Message Delivery
Moralizers deliver their messages in a way that can feel preachy, authoritative, and somewhat accusatory. It often involves unsolicited advice or criticisms. But when you share an opinion, it’s delivered as part of an open exchange. It’s more conversational and less confrontational.
Black and White Viewpoints
Moralizing focuses on good, bad, right, and wrong according to the moralizer’s standards. It involves black-and-white thinking and leaves little room for differing perspectives. When you share an opinion, though, you focus on your personal beliefs, experiences, or interpretations but acknowledge that others may see things differently.
Effects of Moralizing
Finally, there’s the effect that moralizing has on us. It can lead to defensiveness, resentment, and alienation. It often shuts down dialogue and reduces constructive conversation. When you share an opinion, you encourage open dialogue and mutual respect and allow for the exchange of ideas that foster empathy and understanding.
If we were to summarize what moralizers are like, this is not going to be kind, but we could say that moralizers often alienate others with their preachy, judgmental tone and unsolicited advice. They foster negative emotions like resentment and guilt instead of meaningful reflection or change. Their self-righteous attitude dismisses individual perspectives and complexities and creates an air of disrespect for the other’s autonomy.
Strategies to Handle Moralizing
So, how do we handle moralizing? Naturally, we always recommend that you respond respectfully and with composure, but here are some other helpful ideas as well.
Practice Peaceful Assertiveness
First, maintain peaceful assertiveness. Peaceful assertiveness is where you don’t run away, and you don’t become aggressive. You avoid being defensive and avoid showing reactivity, and by no means are you aggressive, but you acknowledge a concern and politely disagree with their approach. You respond calmly, with composure, with no intent to offend, but stating what you think is the correct answer.
Keep a Compassionate Mindset
Develop a mindful and compassionate mindset. Try to understand where people are coming from and the reasons behind their moralizing. Very often, moralizers have been programmed from a place of past trauma, so keep in mind that not all moralizers are bad people; they’re just misguided.
Don’t Internalize their Judgments
You don’t have to internalize their judgments. Don’t let their judgments affect your self-esteem. Remember, you don’t have to do anything a moralizer wants you to do. You don’t have to follow their advice or engage in dialogue on a subject. And if you want to, all you need to do is say something that’s very neutral, like Duly noted! And move on. In other words, don’t give them what they want: a conversation or an argument.
Respond Respectfully and Peacefully
Respond with respect and understanding. Model respect. You want to set an example of the kind of communication you value. So, if you respond with a moralizing answer in return, you’re really not much better than they are. Respond with peaceful, respectful dialogue, even if it’s disagreement. Share your perspective and the reasons for your actions or beliefs. But remember this: sometimes people are invested in not understanding you. And if you believe that people don’t want to understand your point of view, don’t waste your breath. Don’t feel like you need to explain yourself. Just avoid arguing, and gently assert what it is you believe, and that’s it.
Use Humor
Finally, we encourage you to use humor. A humorous response can sometimes diffuse the tension and change the tone of conversation. Remember, the goal is to respond in a respectful and composed manner while also setting appropriate boundaries and avoiding unnecessary conflict.
Conclusion
In conclusion, handling a moralizer like Jane requires a blend of peaceful assertiveness, compassion, and strategic communication. By maintaining your composure, not internalizing their judgments, and responding respectfully, you can navigate these challenging interactions without causing unnecessary conflict. Remember, it’s about setting boundaries while fostering understanding and respect. If you found these strategies helpful, we invite you to share your experiences or tips in the comments below. Let’s continue this conversation and support each other in cultivating more peaceful and respectful relationships.
Peace Concepts is a production of Peaceful Life Productions.