Does it sometimes feel like life presents you with impossible dilemmas – competing priorities pulling you in opposite directions? Do you struggle with issues that seem to demand choosing one side at the expense of the other? If so, you’re not alone. The reality is that many of our biggest challenges consist of polarities – pairs of interdependent elements that are both complementary and contradictory. The key is learning to leverage the positive values from both poles through polarity thinking rather than just prioritizing one pole over the other.
What is Polarity Thinking?
Polarity thinking stems from the recognition that many important issues, challenges, or values in life involve interdependent pairs of elements that seem opposing on the surface but are complementary and need to be pursued and balanced over time. Rather than viewing these situations as either/or dilemmas where one side must win out over the other, polarity thinking involves trying to get the best of both poles through a dynamic process of leveraging their positive values.
For example, let’s look at the polarity of work/life balance.
- Work provides income, achievement, growth, and purpose. However, overwork leads to burnout, a lack of balance, and relationship strain.
- Life renewal activities like family, rest, and recreation rejuvenate us. However, too much focus solely on life can lead to a lack of achievement, meaning, and financial issues.
The goal is to dynamically pursue both work and life renewal over time in a balanced way that provides us with the positive outcomes associated with each pole. Now let’s look at the essential elements of polarity thinking.
Polarity Mapping
Polarity mapping involves clearly identifying and defining the two interdependent poles or opposites inherent in a situation, issue, or dilemma you are facing. This initial step of labeling and articulating the polarity pair is crucial to help you apply and understand polarity thinking.
The two poles should represent competing but interdependent values, needs, or priorities that are both important and must be pursued over time in a balanced way. Here are some examples of common polarity pairs:
- Centralization vs. Decentralization
- Stability vs. Innovation/Change
- Cost Control vs. Service/Quality
- Pricing Low vs. Pricing High
- Employee Needs vs. Customer Needs
- Roles/Structure vs. Flexibility/Autonomy
- Short-Term Focus vs. Long-Term Vision
- Profitability vs. Corporate Social Responsibility
In each case, simply articulating and naming the two poles clarifies the tensions and paradoxical nature of the situation. It establishes the interdependent pair to optimize. Let’s see if we can apply the mapping concept to a fictional problem.
Polarity Mapping Example
David and June are planning a vacation. David likes vacations that are well-organized and planned. He likes to fill each day with interesting activities, tours, and visits to unique places. June likes vacations where she can relax from all of the pressures she normally faces at work and home. She likes to sleep late and do things rather spontaneously.
Polarity mapping can be very helpful for David and June in planning their vacation in a way that balances both of their preferences and needs. Here’s how they could apply polarity mapping to their situation:
The two key poles or opposites they are dealing with are:
Structured/Planned vs. Unstructured/Spontaneous
David is more oriented toward the Structured/Planned pole, where he wants an itinerary, reserved activities, and an optimized use of time. June is more inclined towards the Unstructured/Spontaneous pole, where she desires open flexibility, minimal scheduling, and just “going with the flow.”
By clearly mapping out these two poles, David and June can recognize that they represent important but competing priorities that are inherent in how they each prefer to vacation. Neither pole is inherently right or wrong. They both have positive values to leverage. The goal here is to explore and include the positive outcomes of each polarity rather than fighting about who will win the vacation battle.
The Structured/Planned pole offers the benefits of:
- Ensuring they don’t miss key attractions/activities
- Avoiding wasted time and frustrations
- Creating memorable, unique experiences
The Unstructured/Spontaneous pole provides the positives of:
- Relaxation and freedom from rigid schedules
- Allowing serendipity and discovery of unplanned gems
- Providing rejuvenating downtime
With the poles mapped, David and June can now have an open discussion about how to dynamically balance and optimize both over the course of their vacation timeframe. Perhaps some days lean more structured with set plans, while others are totally open and spontaneous based on how they feel.
Instead of one person’s preferences winning out over the other’s, polarity mapping allows them to pursue both in an intentional way – getting the benefits of each pole. It turns a potential source of tension into a balanced, dynamic approach to their vacation.
Recognizing Interdependence
Recognizing interdependence means understanding that the two poles in a polarity pair are not independent opposites but are actually interdependent and need each other over time. This is in contrast to viewing them as an either/or situation where one pole must win out completely over the other. The two poles are actually complementary parts of a greater whole.
A good example to illustrate this is the polarity between breathing in (inhalation) and breathing out (exhalation). At first glance, these two acts seem like opposites – you can’t simultaneously inhale and exhale. However, they are actually interdependent parts of the breathing cycle that need each other over time. Inhalation alone, without any exhalation, is unsustainable and would lead to disaster. You’d inhale and inhale until you essentially exploded!
Likewise, exhalation alone without any inhalation is impossible to maintain – you’d exhale all your breath and pass out. The key is recognizing that inhaling and exhaling, though opposite actions, are interdependent parts of a synergistic, repeating cycle. One doesn’t “win” over the other – you need both in an ongoing balanced dance.
Another example is the interdependence of the poles in the polarity pair of Investing for Growth vs. Saving/Cost-Cutting. These may seem opposed, but they are actually interdependent over time. Pure cost-cutting with no growth investment eventually leads to stagnation. Pure investing without any savings/efficiency is financially unsustainable for a long time. The two poles need each other as part of an overall cycle of financial management and sustainability over time. It’s not one pole beating the other.
So, in summary, recognizing interdependence means seeing the two poles not as independents in conflict, but as interdependent opposites that are complementary parts of a greater, sustainable whole cycle. Both need to be leveraged over time.
Optimize the Polarity Pairs
Seeking to optimize the pair means intentionally pursuing and leveraging the positive values and upsides from both poles of the polarity over time rather than choosing one pole at the expense of the other.
A good example is the polarity between Saving Money and Enjoying Life:
- The Saving Money pole focuses on being frugal, cutting costs, and growing your nest egg for the future.
- The Enjoying Life pole is about splurging sometimes, having experiences, and making memories.
An either/or approach would be trying to maximize just one pole – either being extremely frugal all the time and never enjoying life or wildly spending without any savings. But polarity thinking recognizes that both poles have important positive values to leverage through an ongoing dynamic process. You need the Saving Money pole for long-term security, avoiding debt, and having a financial safety net. But if taken too far, it leads to being miserly without any enjoyment. You also need the Enjoying Life pole – making the most of today, enjoying experiences with friends/family, and valuing memories over just money. But if taken too far without saving, it leads to financial recklessness.
Seeking to optimize this pair over time means dynamically balancing both:
- Consistently saving some money each month
- While also budgeting some money to spend on fun experiences
- During higher income periods, save more aggressively
- During expensive life phases (kids’ college), spend a bit more on needs
- Take periodic frugal months, followed by a splurge trip
The key is intentionally getting the best of both poles through an ongoing process and not just picking one pole. Optimizing is avoiding the negatives of favoring just one extreme over time. It’s a dynamic dance of saving diligently while also making space to really experience and enjoy life’s journey along the way through managed splurges. Optimization leverages the positive values from each pole.
Pay Attention to Early Warning Signs
Early warning signs refer to clues or indicators that you have gotten out of balance and are leaning too heavily towards one pole, thereby experiencing the downsides or negative results of that extreme. Recognizing these signs early allows you to course-correct before things get too lopsided. The goal is to maintain an optimal balance between the two poles over time.
A good example is the polarity between Work and Rest/Relaxation:
The Work pole represents factors like productivity, ambition, career advancement, and income generation. Taken too far, it can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and a lack of work-life balance. The Rest/Relaxation pole involves disconnecting from work, recharging, spending time with family/friends, and reducing stress. But taken too far it can mean laziness, apathy, and lack of drive.
Potential early warning signs that you are getting out of balance include:
For too much Work:
- Frequently skipping meals or eating poorly
- Constantly working long hours, including nights/weekends
- Feeling perpetually stressed and fatigued
- Neglecting exercise and self-care
- Straining personal relationships
For too much Rest/Relaxation:
- Struggling to summon motivation and focus
- Falling behind on tasks and obligations
- Lack of drive or ambition for career growth
- Boredom or sense of lack of purpose
- Financial strain from lack of productivity
If you start noticing signs like these, it signals that you need to shift back towards balancing the opposite pole for a period of time. For example, if the “work” signs appear, it’s time to deliberately schedule more true rest, relaxing activities, and quality time away from work. If the “rest” signs appear, it may meantemping up productive work efforts again.
The key is having awareness of the potential warning signs, so you can optimally balance the two poles in a sustainable way over time. Recognizing the signs prevents getting stuck at one unhealthy extreme.
Action Steps
Our last essential element is Action Steps, where one takes steps to correct imbalances and optimize the two poles as early warnings appear. Once you recognize the early warning signs that you’re getting out of balance and favoring one pole too heavily, the next essential step is to take concrete actions to correct that imbalance and re-optimize the two poles. The idea is to implement specific adjustments and countermeasures when you see yourself leaning too far in one direction. This allows you to dynamically pursue the positive values of each pole over time.
For the polarity of work and rest/relaxation, potential early warning signs that you are out of balance were provided earlier, such as:
Too much work:
- Frequently skipping meals or eating poorly
- Constantly working long hours, including nights/weekends
- Feeling perpetually stressed and fatigued
- Neglecting exercise and self-care
- Straining personal relationships
For too much rest/relaxation:
- Struggling to summon motivation and focus
- Falling behind on tasks and obligations
- Lack of drive or ambition for career growth
- Boredom or sense of lack of purpose
- Financial strain from lack of productivity
If you notice these early warnings creeping in, it’s time to take deliberate action steps to correct the imbalance and re-optimize this polarity.
Some potential action steps if the warnings signal too much work:
- Schedule obligatory breaks and transition times between projects
- Block out true vacation/personal days without working
- Enact boundaries like no work email after certain hours
- Prioritize time for exercise, hobbies, quality time with loved ones
Potential actions if spotting too much rest/relaxation:
- Create a daily task list and time-block your calendar
- Set productivity goals and track metrics
- Find an accountability partner to check in with
- Take actions to re-ignite your motivation (education, new projects)
The key is actively adjusting your actions when you see yourself leaning too far toward one extreme pole. Don’t let the imbalance continue unchecked. Implement tangible steps to re-inject more rest when overworked. Or conversely, re-dedicate efforts towards productive work if too relaxed. This dynamic adjusting allows you to optimize both work and rest/relaxation in a sustainable cycle over time.
Conclusion
Polarity thinking provides a powerful model for dealing with paradoxical situations more effectively. By mapping the paired poles, recognizing their interdependence, pursuing optimization over either/or thinking, heeding early warnings signs, and taking dynamic action steps – we can far better navigate the contradictory tensions we all face.
Instead of fruitlessly trying to resolve the paradox by choosing one side, we can get the best of both opposites through an ongoing cycle of balance. The next time you find yourself stuck between two seemingly conflicting priorities, try applying the principles of polarity thinking. You may be surprised at the creative solutions that emerge from embracing the”both/and” instead of just “either/or.”
Give it a try and let us know how leveraging polarities enriches your approach to life’s dilemmas! I’d love to hear about your experiences. To learn even more, please listen to our podcast on Peaceful Life Radio, where we interview Polarity Thinking Expert Dr. Christy Vincent.
Additional Resources
Here are some potentially helpful Internet and YouTube resources related to polarity thinking:
Websites/Online Resources:
- Polarity Partnerships – This is a consulting firm focused entirely on polarity thinking and management. Their site has articles, tools, and an intro video: https://polarity-partnerships.com/
- HBR Article – “Embracing Opposites” by Robert Westney: https://hbr.org/2009/04/embracing-opposites
- Polarity Map – Free online tool for mapping out polarities: https://www.polaritymap.com/
- Polarity Thinking PDF – Overview from Bain & Company: https://www.bain.com/insights/management-tools-polarity-thinking/
- Polarity Thinking Wiki – Community wiki with examples: https://polaritymanagement.wordpress.com/
- Three Principles of Respectful Communication: https://peacemaking101.com/three-principles-of-respectful-communication/
- Relational Dialectics: https://peacemaking101.com/peacemaking-university/unit-5-understanding-no-win-situations/relational-dialectics/
YouTube Videos:
- “Polarity Thinking in 3 Minutes” – Quick actionable overview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RpNe7JJJDQ
- “An Introduction to Polarity Thinking” – Longer 20 min explainer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zELUUNFAkQA
- “Using Polarity Thinking” – Example scenario walkthrough: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEBmVH-V0c8
- “Polarity vs. Problems” – Contrasting problems vs. polarities: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4Mm9eQawUY
- Polarity Solutions YouTube Channel – Has many shorter polarity tips: https://www.youtube.com/user/PolaritySolutions