Peacemakers are often associated with resolving conflicts and restoring relationships. We tend to focus on the external aspects of what a peacemaker does, such as the techniques they use and the communication they employ. However, peacemaking is not only about what peacemakers do but also about who they are. Peacemaking is an inside job as much as it is an outside one.
The Peacemaker Within
What does it mean to be a peacemaker from within? It means that we develop certain qualities and attitudes that allow us to approach conflicts with a positive mindset. We should be ready to change ourselves and the situation we are in. A peacemaker must be willing to understand not only ourselves but also others. And we must be determined to look for solutions and learn from the process.
The Peacemaker Four-Step Process
We like to describe peacemaking as a simple 4-step process:
A Peacemaker Desires to end drama and conflict:
The first step is to recognize that we have a problem and that we want to solve it. We have to be motivated to seek peace rather than to win, blame, or avoid. We have to be willing to make whatever changes we can to end the drama and conflict, even if it means admitting our mistakes, apologizing, or compromising.
A Desire to end drama and conflict can begin by asking these questions” What are the costs and benefits of continuing or ending the conflict? How does the conflict affect my well-being and the well-being of others?
This requires us to be optimistic and active, to take charge and admit our faults, and to learn and improve ourselves. Above all, we have to commit to peacemaking, even when others are reluctant or resistant.
A willingness to work at identifying the root causes:
The second step is to analyze the situation and identify the underlying causes of the conflict. We have to go beyond the surface level of the problem and dig deeper into the needs, interests, values, and emotions of all parties involved. We have to be honest with ourselves and others about what we really want and why.
A willingness to work at identifying the root causes can begin by asking these questions. What are the underlying needs, interests, values, and emotions that drive the conflict? How can I express my needs, interests, values, and emotions in a clear and respectful way?
David Lowry
Peacemakers need the courage to listen to others without letting their thoughts and emotions interfere. They must strive for objectivity to see things from their perspectives. They must learn to think critically and analytically, communicate clearly and respectfully, and act honestly and ethically.
The courage to truly understand the perspectives of those involved:
The third step is to empathize with others and see the situation from their point of view. We have to listen actively and respectfully without judging, interrupting, or dismissing. We have to acknowledge and validate their feelings and concerns, even if we do not agree with them. Peacemakers have to be curious and ask questions rather than make assumptions or accusations.
The courage to truly understand the perspectives of those involved can begin by asking these questions: What are the strengths and weaknesses of my own perspective and the perspectives of others? How can I listen actively and empathically to others, without judging, interrupting, or dismissing them?
To understand others’ perspectives, we need to be willing to explain and listen to all views until everyone feels understood and to try to comprehend what they say, even if we do not agree with it. We need to be empathetic and compassionate, curious and open-minded, and humble and respectful.
A willingness to persist in finding a mutually acceptable solution:
The fourth step is to collaborate with others and find a solution that works for everyone. A peacemaker has to be creative and flexible rather than rigid and stubborn. We have to be cooperative and respectful rather than competitive and hostile and be willing to give and take rather than demand and impose.
A willingness to persist in finding a mutually acceptable solution can begin by asking these questions: What are the possible options and alternatives for resolving the conflict? How can I collaborate with others to find a solution that works for everyone?
To find solutions that benefit all parties involved, we must be willing to put aside our competitive nature and refrain from prioritizing our own needs over others. This requires us to be creative, flexible, cooperative, and collaborative. It also calls for us to persistently and patiently work towards achieving a mutually acceptable outcome that benefits everyone.
Conclusion
To be a peacemaker requires a willingness to do the inner work that will allow us to desire peace, identify root causes of disagreement, understand where others are coming from, and find mutually acceptable solutions. It requires humility to set our ego aside and to consider the needs of others as important as our own.
For those who wish to get started in peacemaking, we want to assure you that this simple four-step process really works. Sure, there is much more to learn, but don’t be afraid to put what you know to work. Begin your peacemaking journey by asking the suggested questions for each of the steps.
We can transform ourselves and our relationships, as well as the world around us, as we create a culture of peace where conflicts are seen as opportunities for growth, learning, and connection. We can make a difference, one step at a time.
Websites that might interest you.
General Peacemaking Resources:
- The Gandhi Institute for Conflict Resolution: https://www.gandhiinstitute.org/: https://www.gandhiinstitute.org/– Offers resources and training on nonviolent conflict resolution based on the principles of Mahatma Gandhi.
- The International Center on Nonviolent Conflict (ICNC): https://www.nonviolent-conflict.org/:https://www.nonviolent-conflict.org/ – Provides practical tools and training for using nonviolent methods to resolve conflicts.
Resources on Cultivating Inner Peace:
- Greater Good Science Center: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ – UC Berkeley offers research and resources on happiness, compassion, and mindfulness.
- Mindful.org: https://www.mindful.org/: https://www.mindful.org/ – Provides information and resources on mindfulness meditation and practices for cultivating inner peace.
- The Art of Living: https://www.artofliving.org/: https://www.artofliving.org/ – Offers various programs and techniques for stress management, inner peace, and personal growth.
Specific Resources Related to the Blog Post:
- The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/: https://www.gottman.com/ – Provides research-based resources for improving communication and relationships.
- The Five Love Languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ – Helps individuals understand and express their love languages for stronger relationships.
- Crucial Conversations: https://www.crucialconversations.com/: https://www.crucialconversations.com/ – Teaches skills for navigating difficult conversations constructively.
Additional Resources:
- Books: “Difficult Conversations” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall B. Rosenberg, “Peace is Possible” by Betty Williams
- Podcasts: “The One You Feed,” “Tara Brach on Insight Meditation,” “Peacebuilding with Jude Warne”
Here are some YouTube videos related to peacemaking that you might find interesting:
- What are the core principles of biblical peacemaking? by FOCLOnline
- What is peacemaking? by FOCLOnline
- Dr. Glen Stassen on Just Peacemaking by PowerPlantSpots
You might also enjoy these reflection questions we’ve prepared about peacemakers on this page.